Thesis Coming Due
I have spent the better part of this year writing a thesis which will contribute 30% to my overall honours year grade. It has been the best of times and the worst of times. It is due on Tuesday. It is almost done.
However, I have just realised that something my supervisor suggested is possibly true and worthy of further investigation, is simply furphy. It doesn't work. I have spent the better part of the last week or so developing this idea and it has turned out to be almost useless. It was interesting, and I learnt heaps by doing it, by I didn't get the result I expected/wanted.
Very disappointing. Compounding this, is the fact that I am so close to finishing uni, and have almost run out of drive. I am not really concerned about how I go. I will probably do well enough, but not as well as I am able to.
I was at a friends 21st this afternoon (for a short time), when I realised how thoroughly exhausted I am. I sat on an embankment of a river and watched the boats go by at a distance. Beer in one hand. The small waves caressing the shoreline. Quiet. I haven't experienced that in a while.
I am really looking forward to 24th November, Thursday afternoon. My last university exam, probably not my last exam ever though. I will enjoy my (almost) 1 1/2 week break. Will make the most of it. Hopefully sit on a sunny beach somewhere on the northern beaches. Sleeping, day-dreaming, thinking. Oblivious to the world, oblivious to reality, oblivious to the carnage, hurt and pain the world is suffering, albeit for a short time.
Then reality awakens me again.
Sometimes I wish God could make all the hurt of this world just disappear. It reminds me of how sinful I am. It reminds me of the intrinsic rebelliousness of humanity. I pains me when I see humanity groan, humanity turning on itself, and not turning to God, humanity's selfishness and pride, humanity's injustice.
But then I am reminded that these should be a reminder that the day of the Lord is coming and is nearer. Because God wants to bring the suffering to an end, wants to supplant selfishness and pride with selflessness and humility, injustice with divine justice.